Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
