Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?