none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait