Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me