My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..