My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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