I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it