mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
