I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
