Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
