Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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