Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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