There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
