remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
