How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
