There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
