Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
