Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
