As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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