Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
