i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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