Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
