Heybabeimwearingurpanties
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
