I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
last night I used snow as a chaser
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
