I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
