if i can run in heels then i can drive
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
