Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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