just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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