I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
