Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
