last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
