I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
