you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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