I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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