it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
