i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He? As in you personified your dick?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
