K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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