That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
