in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
