I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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