so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize