Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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