just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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