The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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