she was so not down for the gang bang
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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