It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
