My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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