No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
