if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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