If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
