i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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