you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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