Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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