I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize