Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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