My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
