im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
