We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
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I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize