so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
