Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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