She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
porn star boner night. come get it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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