I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
