he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
