we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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