My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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