They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
