If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
