Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
