I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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