i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize