some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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